• Clare


Everyone’s had those times where they’ve just not felt up for it. Perhaps it’s been a long week at work, you’re feeling a little run down and tired, or you’re feeling a little uncomfortable after a long period of eating and drinking. Those feelings are all completely normal, but a sustained period where you don’t feel up for it can be worrying and potentially cause problems in a relationship.

Whilst there’s nothing wrong with this, it’s important to understand why you’re feeling this way and take steps to get back to feeling your normal sexy self. Here are a few tips to help you deal with a loss of sex drive

What is Sex Drive?

Sex drive, sometimes known as libido, is quite simply your desire and drive for sexual activity. It’s something that can change based on a whole host of factors. This includes psychological and physical factors such as your mood, hormonal changes and general health, through to social factors like work or family pressures. Basically, there are a whole host of things that can affect your sex drive – and they’re not always easy to identify in everyday life. One thing is for sure though, there’s no such thing as a normal sex drive. Everyone is different and that’s absolutely fine.

There are several factors that could contribute to a low sex drive, these include:

Relationship Problems - This can include overfamiliarity and things becoming predictable in the bedroom, frequent conflict, lack of trust or poor communication.

Sexual Problem - This could mean premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness amongst other things.

Depression, Stress or Anxiety - The effects of mental health problems can often lead you to feeling distracted and lose your sex drive.

Age and the Menopause - The changes in hormones around different stages in life can make a big difference to your sex drive.

Pregnancy and Post-Partum - The changes to your body both pre- and post-birth can have a big effect on your sex drive.

Underlying Health Problems - A health issue that you’re not aware of could be the cause of your loss in sex drive without you even knowing it.

Medicine and Contraception - Things such as antidepressants and the contraceptive pill have been known to affect sex drive.

Whatever it is that’s causing your loss of sex drive, there are plenty of things you can do to help increase your sex drive and make yourself feel sexy again.

Dealing with a Loss of Sex Drive First things first, if you’re in a relationship where you’re dealing with a loss of sex drive, you should have an honest discussion with your partner. Talking to your partner will help them understand how you’re feeling and should help avoid any problems in your relationship, such as your other half feeling unloved, uncared for or like they’re suddenly unattractive to you. Getting to the root of the reasons for your loss of sex drive and taking the steps needed to increase your sex drive is sometimes relatively simple, but sometimes can require a little deeper digging. It’s always important to remember that there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with you. Allowing yourself to become frustrated or worried will quite possibly only make it feel worse. If you’re worried about a loss of sex drive, the NHS provides several sexual health services that offer advice on a loss of sex drive amongst other things.

How to Get Your Sex Drive Back Once you’ve diagnosed the reasons behind your loss of sex drive, there are plenty of things you can do to try and increase it and get back to the sexy and naughty times you’ve always enjoyed in the bedroom – we’ve got you!

How to Boost Sex Drive After Menopause The menopause can affect women in a number of different ways, one being a decrease in oestrogen, which can lead to physical changes and changes in your sex drive. This can lead to vaginal dryness, bladder control problems, mental health challenges and problems caused by medication.

We should also mention that the menopause doesn’t always lead to a decreased sex drive. Some women find that their sex drive actually increases after the menopause. As with everything do with our bodies, we’re all different in our own wonderful ways.

There are several things that can be done to counter the effects of menopause on your sex life; you might consider using lubes to avoid discomfort caused by vaginal dryness, or alternatively use Kegel balls or pelvic floor exercises to strengthen the muscles in the vagina. You may also want to speak to your doctor about Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) which involves taking oestrogen pills to replace the hormones your body is no longer producing.

Increasing Your Sex Drive: Stress and Relationships Sometimes the reasons for your lowered sex drive can be easily fixed and sometimes they may take a little more work. We’ve got a few suggestions to help you with your loss of sex drive and, not just get things back to how they were before, make them even better!

Talk Talk Talk As we’ve already mentioned, communication is absolutely key in every relationship and even more so when it comes to sex. Helping your partner understand your drop in sex drive will mean they can be compassionate and supportive, helping you both work together to get past it. Talking doesn’t just mean discussing your drop in libido, you should also discuss what does and doesn’t turn you on, your fantasies, and everything in between.

Up the Romance Sometimes a loss of sex drive can be attributed to a disconnect between you and your partner. Learning How to Make Sex More Romantic can make a big difference to your sex drive, bringing back the closeness you may have lost. A sensual massage, initiating sex in a different part of the house or a different location altogether can all help freshen things up.

Try a Massage Linked to the idea above, a sensual massage is a great way of relieving stress. Light some candles, put on some relaxing music and allow your partner to work away some of your tension. Allowing yourself to completely live in this moment should help you leave some of the stresses of life behind and enjoy the closeness that sex can bring.

Try New Things Remember discussing your fantasies? Well, now’s the time to try them out. From different sex positions to sex toys you’ve never tried, sometimes experimentation and breaking from the norm is the key to reigniting that fire.

Address Any Problems If you’ve struggled with maintaining erections, premature ejaculation, vaginal dryness or any other condition, it’s important to address these problems and discuss them openly. Speaking to your partner and/or a doctor will eventually help to remove the negative associations you have with sex.

Make Foreplay Count Good foreplay is something that often gets skipped past but can make all the difference in your experience between the sheets. Taking the time to connect with your partner and build up to sex will increase the anticipation and desire for sex. Our What is Foreplay? Guide will give you all kinds of tips and tricks to make the most out of the build-up.

It’s important to remember that your sex drive is always liable to change as you go through life. Sometimes you may feel completely comfortable with a drop in sex drive, and other times you might find yourself worried or frustrated by a lack of interest in sex. The most important thing is to deal with it in the way that best suits you and your personal situation. And we’ll be here to help along the way!

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